Cancer-Causing Lightbulbs And Desk Jobs ... We're All Doomed!

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

image for Cancer-Causing Lightbulbs And Desk Jobs ... We're All Doomed!

Desk-bound office workers working under the light of energy-efficient bulbs are in serious danger of developing cancer, scientists say.

Spend more than a decade behind a desk and you're twice as likely to develop bowel cancer say researchers at the University of Western Australia.

And the gym won't save you: "Even a high level of vigorous recreational physical activity did not modify the effect of sedentary work," the report adds.

Further, the EU-imposed low-energy lightbulbs contain a cancer-causing cocktail of chemicals according to boffins in Germany.

A spokesman for the research team said such chemicals should be "kept as far away as possible from the human environment."

Dr MK Grebe of the Department of the Science of Nasty Stuff at Maidenhead University said: "Yup. This is bad news for most of us, all right.

"I mean we sit at desks all our school lives, then most of us go to offices or labs (like me). And all that articial light! Wow! It doesn't look good does it?

"My advice? Turn the lights off and run around a lot.

"But aren't we running around in circles in the dark most of the time anyway?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more