Washington, D.C. - Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends Network channeled the spirit of the deceased Marilyn Monroe at the White House today. The séance took place in the Oval Office, where Dionne Warwick herself got Marilyn Monroe to appear, convincing her to sing "Happy Birthday" to President Barack Obama on his 48th birthday. Unfortunately, the president was not present at the time, as he was too busy celebrating other people's birthdays down at the press pool.
However, members of the White House staff enjoyed the rendition comparing to the first time Marilyn Monroe sang happy birthday to then President John F. Kennedy.
"My mom wasn't even born when she first sang happy birthday Mr. President," said William Parker, a White House staffer. "But I can dig a hot chick beyond the grave any day."
After the phantasm of Marilyn Monroe finished singing, however, she immediately got down on her knees, disappearing behind the president's empty desk.
"Oops. Silly me," said the still sexy shapely specter as she rose her hourglass like figure to its feet, realizing her mistake. "Where's the president? I got to give him his special birthday present."
With that the phantom of Marilyn Monroe walked across the room, carrying herself like Venus out from the foaming sea, and right through a wall leaving a trail of ectoplasm residue behind, as she began wondering the rooms and hallways of the White House, asking for the president so she could give him his special birthday present.
With the Secret Service in hot pursuit of the anomaly, orders came down from headquarters authorizing the use of firing arms on the White House grounds to terminate the temporal trespasser from beyond.
"Okay, boys," said a Secret Service agent, talking into his sleeve. "Time to take Marilyn Monroe down."
As bullets whizzed right through Marilyn Monroe's phantom body, the spook spoke for the final time.
"Oh boy," said Marilyn Monroe as she put her fingers in the bloodless holes of her bullet riddled body, slowly fading away. "I believe something like this happened to me the last time I sang happy birthday Mr. President...Bye-bye."
