Late breaking news which should be of concern to all people who drive in an Uber, especially women.
Yes, you’re busy and on the go, go, go, and you don’t have time to raise your hand to flag a cab, and you’re essentially attached to your phone as though it’s your god, but why no stop and think for a second?
A scrap of paper was recently seen floating out of an Uber (which has a license that plate that shall remain nameless) and picked up by a lady about to call it on here phone (she can’t flag an Uber? I’ve never taken one, I’m sure it’s a great company, used to be a huge red flag to hop in a car with a guy who slowed down at the bus stop to say “Hey, baby, I’m goin’ anywhere you are, hop in”, but now that is “normal”, … holy fuck, what world do we live in, I’m gonna get a bicycle.)
Here’s what was written on the scrap of paper:
Super Dooper Über Uber Alles
Get in my Uber baby
I’ll take you to Vegas
I’ll take you to Haiti
Wanna ride in the new thing
Then all you gotta bring
Is a whole lotta you
Cruising down the night streets
To where all the fights meet
Watch out for the ricochet
Did I just make your day
Get in with the stranger
We all need a little danger
No you don’t know me
Butcha wanna blow me
Gas, grass or app
Where we’re goin’ ain’t on the map
Turn off the GPS
Let’s just take a guess
You wanna see heaven
I get off at seven
Let’s go to your place
Hope you forget my face
Takin’ the Uber
With an old boozer
I used to be a loser
Then I got me a computer
I bet you got a pretty puter
All the drivers asking “Did you do her?”
You’ve been warned. Walk, bike, try a taxi (but keep one hand on the door handle in case you have to jump out unexpectedly … it may save your life!)
