With people around the world willingly carrying tracking devices on their persons (aka, telephones), governments and Bill Gates want to know what else people will happily carry with them wherever they go.
And also: how to solve any energy crisis?
Well, I just ate a bigass burrito and with every step I take, I fart. Little cracking farts pop out, waft into the air, and float away towards the stars.
If only someone could catch those farts and use them as methane fuel. Aren’t cows hooked up to some kind of fart machine? If not, maybe they should be! Gates owns tons of farm land, even though he’s never looked a cow in the eye and wouldn’t know how to use a hoe if it bit him.
A good idea can never go to waste (puns are popping and cracking out – see if you can catch them all). Soon, people will be wearing a type of modern chastity belt, but one that will add a steel shield to your ass, with a funnel and a tube that will catch all of your farts and collect them in a bag.
But don’t throw that bag away! It’s full of wealth! You can then trade in your filled bag for cash, cash, CASH (mostly in coin form, and not Bitcoin, just tiny pieces of metal that Bill Gates and other billionaires have never seen before). Trade in one bag and get a fresh empty one, ready for more farts!
You will need to keep eating. Be as fat as an American and let your ass finally help you become a millionaire – the more you eat, the quicker you become rich like Bill and force other people to carry shit with them that can be manipulated and used for the greater good of the Illuminati!
Ahem … I’ve said too much.
Just keep eating and consuming, no matter if it’s bad for your health – what do doctors know, those rich eggheads – and fart your way to riches!
