American Fat Asses Can Save The World

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Wednesday, 3 August 2022

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Being Thin Cannot Save the World! Eat This Burger!

A recent study by top Geneva body-weight index scientists have found an exciting new co-relation between fat and fuel.

One can solve the other!

Which country has the most overweight people in the world? It’s not America, but American Samoa. Countries in the South Pacific are more overweight than others, since there’s not much to do when you live in paradise but eat and hang out on the beach. Sounds like paradise to me.

But there aren’t enough people in those island nations for what the scientists want. Australia has lots of overweight people too, and have made the Number 1 spot for obesity, passing America. That’s good, but not great. The scientists are trying to solve a problem, and need TONS of overweight people (there’s a pun there, me thinks).

Hello, America, with your third highest population in the world at over 338 million. Now that’s some serious piston-pumping fat! The excesses of American capitalism mutated into a human form – that’s called Mr. And Mrs. Average American!

And they can solve the energy crisis today and for the future. By having greedy plastic surgeons with high-powered vacuums sucking fat from American bellies, arms, legs, asses, and heads, this fat can be burned to turn turbines and fuel every machine in the world.

So step up, Yankee Round-Bellies, and do good for the planet which your country has been killing possibly worse than any other by burning coal and gas and oil and doing all you could to denounce other forms of power until Elon proved you wrong.

Get your asses sucked off to keep the home fires burning! The world thanks you.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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