Dr. Futuro Gives Latest Theory on Why People are Obese - It's in the Jeans

Funny story written by UncleDale

Sunday, 31 July 2022

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Oosh!

Dr. Futuro is a Futurologist and head of Obesity research in London.

According to his latest theory, about 5 million years ago, our Pre - Pre - Pre (100, 000 'Pre - ') Ancestors were on the beach in Ethiopia. They weren't quite human yet but were trying. And the ocean is a good, but severe teacher.

They lived in seaside caves ate lots of seafood, (brain food), and were in the water all day long - but never got cold. They had developed an extra layer of body fat just like the whales and dolphins. The ones that didn't develop the body fat didn't make it. And no land animal has an extra layer of body fat.

Now we scoot forward six million years to Today.

We still have that extra layer of body fat, but most of us don't notice it. And it is handy in cold climates.

Some people have an eating addiction. Eat - Eat - Eat.

And it helps that everywhere you go there are 30 ft. racks of candy and snacks - and ice cream and sodas, pizza, etc.

The more these people eat, the more that extra layer of body fat expands. It can triple in size. Someone who weighs 200 can weight 600.

Anyway, these people keep eating, and they eat past the point of No Return - and can never go back. Luckily, there is surgery.

So that is why you will occasionally see a Land Whale in Big Jeans walking down the street. 300 - 400 - 500 pounds. Some much bigger than that.

And it all goes back to ancestors living by the sea - Long ago and far away.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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