Since mask mandates have lifted and people are no longer forced to stay at home against their will, everybody wants to fly fly away! To go anywhere! ANYWHERE – just get me the fuck outa here!
There has been a lot of trouble over people trying to get on airplanes all around the world. And their luggage is having a worse time.
So, please, people, if you have lost luggage, ask yourselves if you have really done anything to hold onto your luggage.
Have you:
- Tried travelling by horse and buggy?
- Thought about taking a train?
- How about a boat? (The Titanic sank a long time ago; ship travel is ready to go again!)
- Walking?
- Motorcycles are nice.
- Swimming … sharks aren’t that dangerous, are they? That’s just for the movies.
While you’re thinking about alternate forms of transportation, why not have a snack or a full 8-course meal in an airport restaurant? Why not lie down for a bit and go to sleep? Maybe set up a soup kitchen by the Departures Lounge?
Do you have enough blankets and pillows for your lengthy stay in an airport? Why not buy pillows and blankets and sell them to your fellow travelers and make a couple bucks? Ever thought about selling your passport? Lots of money to be made while YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE FOR A LONG TIME!
And, we, the airport authorities, vow to return your luggage without any handlers going through it, rifling through your underthings, smelling your wife’s panties, or stealing anything that looks good. You can always trust the people who escort you onto a flying hunk of steel and leave you there forever, and then tell you to get off, there was a seagull flying by and the pilot got scared.
But rest assured, your luggage is having a worse time.
Your luggage is currently heading to Antarctica, and you are not … Enjoy Your Trip!
