The California Forest Fire Report Is In And It Is Un-Effing-Believable

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 31 December 2021

image for The California Forest Fire Report Is In And It Is Un-Effing-Believable
A fireman from Detroit fighting Napa Valley's Veni Vedi Veci Vino Vineyard Fire.

SACRAMENTO – (Satire News)- The California wildfires of the Summer of 2021, were the worst in the history of the state.

The California Commission of Wildfires (CCW) stated that they surpassed the 1949 La Brea Tar Pits Fire, the Calexico Fire of 1970, and even the Rancho Cucamonga Volatile Fire of 2002, in terms of acres destroyed, property destroyed, and lakes that totally evaporated.

The 2021 fires burned over 17 trillion acres of forest land, including the biggest wine vineyard in the world, Napa Valley’s Veni Vedi Veci Vino Vineyard, which lost close to 12 million bottles of wine and 907,403 shot glasses.

According to CCW, 29 insurance companies went bankrupt after paying tremendously outrageous pay outs.

Luckily the CCW was able to gather up over 3 million different animals and ship them up to Montana, over to Illinois, and down to the Mexican state of Yucatan.

SIDENOTE: Some of the evacuated animals included 9,302 bears, 2,611 reindeer, 1,395 wild turkeys, 8 zebras, and 4 skunks.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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