Futurist predicts we’ll soon travel by hovering in place while Earth rotates

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Tuesday, 8 June 2021

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Hover boards are soon coming to an air space near you

Futurist Ray Kurzweil yesterday predicted that anti-gravity technology will be mainstream by 2050, and that we will be using the technology for 99.9% of travel around the planet.

Kurzweil unveiled his ideas at the annual conference sponsored by his organization Future of Unlimited Capability, Kurzweil International Technologies (FUCKIT).

He claims that by 2050, hover stations will be positioned at 50-mile intervals across the planet. When traveling, people will be transported to the closest station and “wait for the Earth’s rotation to do all the work”.

Asked what we’ll do about traveling in an eastward direction, Kurzweil replied, “All travel will be westerly. You ought to know that you can go west and still end up at a destination to the east. You see? And when the planet is doing all the moving, there’s no danger of accidents or collisions – well, except for the occasional meteor of course."

Kurzweil estimated the hover stations will be positioned approximately 10 feet off the ground and will be completely safe, unless an individual carelessly falls over the side. He pointed out the added benefit of having more time with loved ones. "Let's say you live in Boston and have a business meeting in Antwerp, You hop on the hover platform to leave and can expect to arrive in approximately 17 hours. Meanwhile you will have some time to converse with your spouse, children, or friends standing below the platform, you see?"

Asked about possible dangers like rogue waves when hovering over the Pacific Ocean, the futurist dismissed the notion. "Those hover boards will be indestructible. All you need to do is make sure you're secured on the surface with whatever means we decide to use. It could be a velcro surface and passengers might be required to wear velcro clothes for all I know at this point."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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