Dinosaur Extinction Re-examined By God Squad's Teacher John

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 1 August 2018

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Storytime, with Teacher John

Dinosaurs, which were thought to have disappeared from Earth more than 65 million years ago, did not, according to a teaching colleague of Spoof writer, Moys Kenwood.

Teacher John, a Science 'expert', made the astounding claim during a long lecture he was giving Kenwood about everything he knows.

Their conversation started, as, of course, it should have, with the Big Bang theory. Teacher John had a different theory - John's theory - which was a radical departure from previous theories involving an explosion caused by gases. No gases here: God was responsible.

Next, Kenwood learnt that the dinosaurs died out, not due to the effects of a meteorite from space that plunged into the Earth in the Bay of Mexico, nor to a combination of factors which included their inability to deal with global temperature changes, and a lack of sustainable food supplies and clean drinking water, but to the fact that God was angry with them.

Kenwood struggled with this theory, and barely managed to contain an enormous bubble of laughter gas that was threatening to create a new universe inside the Teachers' Room.

Worse was to follow, however.

Teacher John then played his trump card.

"God may have been angry with the dinosaurs," quoth he, "but he still allowed two of each species of dinosaur to board Noah's Ark. By this act of mercy and kindness, he prevented dinosaur extinction. Bless his forgiveness!"

When Kenwood asked for clarification on where the descendants of those 'saved' dinosaurs were these days, he was told, in no uncertain terms, that "they died out after further transgressions.".

Teacher John is a native of Africa, and, therefore, more susceptible to religious indoctrination and fairy-tale-telling than some people in other parts of the world.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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