President Trump called the International Space Station today to congratulate Commander Peggy Whitson for spending a record-breaking 534 days in orbit over her entire career as as astronaut, and the astronaut became dumbfounded when Mr. Trump asked her whether or not going 17,500 mph in space would "mess up one's hair".
Mr. Trump then asked Flight Engineer Jack Fischer if he could gut, remodel and lease the Japanese Experiment Module (a large component of the ISS designed for scientific research) to entertain the 'Premier Circle Members' of his West Palm Beach International Golf Club. When Mr. Fisher quickly responded "no", Mr. Trump then asked if there was a smaller module on the ISS where he could permanently entomb the President of MSNBC, leaving all astronauts to wonder if they were speaking to Honey Boo Boo instead of the Commander-in-Chief.
The President also queried the astronauts about the logistics concerning the installation of several blackjack tables in the Russian segment of the ISS.
"The Russians love to gamble," Mr Trump asserted. "And I'd split the 'space casino' proceeds 60/40 with NASA."
Lastly, the President told the astronauts the next cargo ship to dock with the ISS would be jam-packed with Trump Steaks, Wine, Vodka, Body Wash, Bath Towels, Pet Collars, along with Trump Chandeliers, Bedding, Sofas and Cocktail Tables - all at a 10% off 'space discount'.
Ivanka Trump was also on the conference call to space, and she told the astronauts her 'Ivanka Trump Natural Under Eye Serum With Vitamin E' could reduce the skin damaging effects of zero-gravity, her 'Ivanka Trump Soho Baby Bag' could better hold the repair tools during space walks and her 'Ivanka Trump Women's Double Layer Fringed Georgette Top' might fit the current "fashion mood" of the space station.
Despite the bizarre conversations with the astronauts, President Trump was pleased with the earth-to-space communication.
"It was an absolutely terrific exchange," he said while talking to NASA about a 'Miss Space Beauty Pageant.' "And we must thank America's 'Shuttle Diplomacy Program' for making the International Space Station a reality."