™ issues Pre-emptive Pardon for Stone and Cohen ahead of Senate Testimony

Funny story written by Gringo Lobos

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

image for™ issues Pre-emptive Pardon for Stone and Cohen ahead of Senate Testimony™ SpinWall of Denial™ - spewing forth a wall of maleficent spin

In order to offer his Russian Money Laundering Allies some air coverage™ has today issued 2 Pre-emptive Pardons for Stone and Cohen ahead to their senate testimony.

This has caused the usual outrage amongst the establishment but is getting little notice due to the excellent ratings the NFL Anthem Tantrum is providing.

When concerned Whitehouse reporters questioned Suckerbee about this latest affront to democracy she said it was "Black and White and that any President would do this, especially Obama.™ is merely offering his valued allies assurance that they can tell the entire truth to the Senate with a clean heart and know they are doing the right thing for the country".

Legal commentators are wondering if the pardons are even technically possible given that no crime or indictment has been issued against the pair. But as usual in the post-sanity era of modern America such issues as the constitution and moral decency were of course quickly swept aside as quaint historical notions that are no longer applicable. The policy they say is justified by the Bush era adoption of pre-emptive attacks against those that do not grovel beneath the feet of superpower imperialism sufficiently.™ has apparently written out a few more pardons while he was signing with no names filled in yet. He said that even Obama always had blank pardons floating around the office for those Just in Case Rainy Days. He also had contacted Sheriff Arpaio to see if the 129 psycho-killers he pardoned to work for Sheriff Arpaios Gulag recruiting teams were enough or if he needed any pardons. Apparently Sheriff Arpaio asked for a few blank ones he could keep in his draw for a few friends that needed some legal assistance. In fact™ is having so much fun with them he is considering starting up™ but denied he was monetizing the presidency.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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