New DSM V Disorder: Gun Fetishist's Separation Anxiety

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Monday, 28 April 2014

image for New DSM V Disorder: Gun Fetishist's Separation Anxiety

The new DSM V categorization of psychiatric disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association as a new description of separation anxiety and a new category of fetishes. In the DSM IV these disorders related only to people. But now they have been re-defined to include objects, specifically guns.

Regarding separation anxiety it states that developmentally inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation from home, objects or from those to whom the individual is attached, as evidenced by three (or more) of the following:

1. Recurrent excessive distress when separation from home, major attachment figures, or objects such as firearms occurs or is anticipated.

2. Persistent and excessive worry about losing, or about possible harm befalling, major attachment figures or objects. eg., confiscation of and destruction of firearms by the police.

3. Persistent and excessive worry that an untoward event will lead to separation from a major attachment figure or object; e.g., not being able to carry a firearm into a bar, church, classroom, or public space as advocated by the association of gun fetishists the National Rifle Association.

Turning to the disorder of fetishism, the DSM as confined itself to a description of sexual fetishes. The new DSM V includes gun fetishes. To quote in part it declares:

1 Having a Gun Fetish is loving your guns more than life itself; e.g., the head of the NRA, Charleton Heston, saying "I'll give you my gun when you pry (or take) it from my cold, dead hands," which became a bumper sticker slogan affixed to hundreds of thousands of NRA members. See the section on necrophilia for further analysis.

2. Persistent preferential sexual arousal in association
with guns; i.e., an intense eroticization of a non-living object that is symbolically associated with the male phallus.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more