CHICAGO - Recent studies which were conducted at Chicago's Windy City Community College have revealed that the American middle class is shrinking.
Dr. Uriah H. Tillerwell, who has a Masters Degree in Statistical Stats and a Ph.D. in Crop Rotation, said that 20 years ago the average American male member of the middle class stood 5-foot-10-inches tall and the average American female member stood 5-foot-5-inches tall.
Modern day studies show that now the average height for a male is 5-foot-9-inches tall and for a female it's 5-foot-4 inches tall.
Dr. Tillerwell stated that one theory is that the shrinkage is due to drinking bottled water. When asked how that would affect someone's height he stated that everything affects everything in one way or another.
He then went on to say that a study that has yet to be released to the general public will prove that smoking two packs of cigarettes a day will lower a smoker's IQ by an average of 17.2 points.
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