Written by Gail Farrelly

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

image for Why Babies Now Take Longer To Be Born
Deliveries are kinda slow these days.

An American research study on childbirth shows that, on average, labor takes longer now in comparison to 50 years ago.

A Spoof reporter, seeking to understand what's behind these findings, interviewed a sample of new moms and newborns (you guessed it, the reporter understands baby talk!) in a New York City hospital.

One new mom summarized it best. "Easy to explain," she said. "These days the birthing suite -- with a flat-screen TV, a computer, a stereo system, gourmet meal service, and a mini fridge stocked with goodies -- is pretty cool." She said she takes her time giving birth, because once you pop the kid out, the clock starts ticking, and they get ready to kick you out the door as soon as possible. She added, "I have three kids and a demanding hubby at home. Only a fool would do anything to rush the homecoming."

According to newborns in the hospital nursery, there are multiple reasons for postponing entrance into the world. First of all, their dads are like paparazzi, ready to roll the cameras right in their little faces. "I mean, c'mon, gimme a break, who needs a photo shoot at a time like that," said one baby with disgust. Another pointed out, "Then there are these tight little hats they stick on your head right away." His neighbor in the next crib was equally indignant, complaining, "Who wears a hat in bed anyway? Maybe Santa Claus, who knows? But not the rest of the world, that's for sure."

"What I hate most," added a hefty baby, "is feeling like we're in a sideshow or something. It's such an invasion of privacy." The others agreed, pointing to the big picture window in the front of the nursery, at which folks were standing, waving, and blowing kisses. One baby remarked, "Look at those eejits. Now do you get it? The time in the womb is so nice and peaceful compared to this. Why not extend it as long as possible?"

So there you have it. Out of the mouths of babes . . .

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Babies, Birth, stork

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