Jeeves and Bertie Wooster, reincarnated in the distorted mind of Jaggedone, bang on his bonce once again from beyond!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 5 June 2021

image for Jeeves and Bertie Wooster, reincarnated in the distorted mind of Jaggedone, bang on his bonce once again from beyond!
Yes! He is back, Jeeves, Bertie Wooster's mercurial butler, what a cad he is!

Attempting to sleep at full moon is bad enough, but when Bertie Wooster and his eccentric butler, Jeeves, come flying into one's cerebral cortex, one can only listen!

"By golly, you rascal Jeeves, was you really invited to that scoundrel's third wedding, now what's his damn name?"

"BOJO, sir, yes, he needed someone to polish his £500,00 pound spatterdashes just in case someone peed up his tree!"

"Jeeves, you are such a bounder, why was I not invited?"

"Sire, you are much too high up in the Forbes List of Aristocrats to bow to such a rascal's wedding invitation. However, he heard of my superior butler services and honoured my services with tax-payers money, which I gladly accepted!"

"By golly Jeeves, is the Brit PM such a scoundrel?"

"Yes Sire, he even papered his walls with tax-payers money!"

"Jeeves old bean, do you mean literally with £50,00 notes?"

"Well not quite Sire, but the wallpaper certainly had gold leaf entwined from top to bottom!"

"Wow Jeeves, what a terribly whacky idea, where did he purchase it? Harrods, I guess, they supply everything."

"I believe so Sire, and now Harrods is in the hands of even more Arabs, not Egyptians, they even supply frozen sheep's eyeballs!"

"Are they aphrodisiacs' Jeeves?"

"I believe so Sire, those Saudi Sheikhs' have to 'keep up' appearances under those huge white sheets they wear and having 50 mistresses is no easy task!"

"Oh Jeeves, you are such a cad, what would I do without you, and please order 50 of those frozen sheep's eyeballs, I am arranging a bash for several lords and ladies who are now approaching the ripe old age of seventy, and they need a quick kick to keep them 'swinging'!

"I could also arrange the purchase of tiny blue pills, Sire."

"Jeeves, now, now old chap, my guests prefer riding bareback, the occasional whip, and horsey doings, not a chemical conflict!"

"Sorry Sire, I will have the stable lads polish those fabulous leather saddles you received as a present from Sheikh Abdulla the 5th, and that mercurial white stallion, do you remember him?"

"Oh yes indeed, what a raunchy bounder he was, and Jeeves, he could really tame a steamy mare or two!"

"Sire, when is the 'bash?' And do I have order some dashing females of the night, or will it only be for 'ageing swingers?'

"Jeeves old bean, well maybe one or two to lighten up proceedings, after all I have to keep up appearances even in these pandemic times!"

"OK Sire, I will order James our Chauffeur to polish your 1935 Silver Shadow, extended Rolls Royce, filled with champers to bring them here, by that time they will all be really swinging, how many?!"

"Five is suffice, I do not want too many heart attacks, now run along, I must telegram Lizzy and offer her my condolences, Tootle-Loo old bean!"

Thank the heavens the pair of them flew out before daylight, Jaggedone's wife would have been livid if she heard them arranging a 'wild bash' between his ears! Ciao, Ciao, they will see you all soon!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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