Butler Jeeves and Bertie Wooster return for some jolly old banter between Jaggedone's waxed ears!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Friday, 30 April 2021

image for Butler Jeeves and Bertie Wooster return for some jolly old banter between Jaggedone's waxed ears!
Nothing gets beyond or below Jeeves the Butler!

"I say Jeeves old bean, did you hear about that Johnson cad wallpapering his walls with dollar bills?"

"Sire, I believe it was with Russian Roubles, they love him in London, oligarchs, he allows them to park their silver Rolls Royce’s on handicapped parking places!"

"By jolly Jeeves, maybe we can try that too!"

"Well Sire, I believe we do not have enough royalty, or millions for that, but I am sure if you have a chat with 'Lizzy' she might allow us to park your 1930 Silver Cloud inside the grounds of Buckingham Palace. I have heard there is a vacant parking lot now that red-haired prince chap has left the nest."

"Really Jeeves, why did he leave the palace the bounder?"

"Sire, I have heard through the royal grapevine his lady was not quite up to standards accepted by 'Lizzy' and ageing Prince Charlie!"

"Oh Jeeves, come on now old chap, how on earth did that Camilla get her toe in the door?"

"Well Sire, 'Lizzy' has not got a mobile phone, and never heard Charlie speaking rather vulgar to Camilla. In fact, he offered his big-toe too!"

"Jeeves, really, a toe, what else?"

"Sire, there are children reading this."

"Oh, then you better ring up Harrods, we need a hamper or two for a swinging fling I am giving to my dear friends, those Arabian Sheiks who own half of Kensington, and that Mosley chap."

"Yes Sire, but please do not offend them, it is soon Ramadan, and they are not allowed to consume anything before dark!"

"No problem old chap, we only start swinging after dark. By the way, is that Mosley cad still alive?"

"No sire, I believe he died shortly after Adolf blew his brains out in Berlin."

"What a dastardly 'swinger' he was, always entertaining, witty, full of 'nazty puns', and he loved pirouetting with ballet dancers too, female ones at least, poor old Rudolf never had a chance!"

"Sire, I would suggest inviting Boris Johnson, our PM, he loves a swing now and then?"

"Johnson, what a common name! Can he swing as good as Mosley?"

"I believe so Sire, that is the reason why he needed new wallpaper in Nr10, it got a bit squishy in his private boudoir."

"Well Jeeves, send him a telegram, and invite him along with our Saudi friends, and make sure they bring their white stallions along, haven't had a ride on a white mare for quite a while."

"A telegram Sire, that is quite old-fashioned, but I believe Johnson would prefer that because the whole world knows his mobile telephone number now, and his painter and decorators might be blackmailed into telling the Daily Mirror about who really paid for the wallpaper! In addition, Sire, can you imagine if the Daily Express find out if we have invited him to Downton Abbey for a 'swing' or two!"

"By golly Jeeves, you cad, you are a genius, walls do have ears, especially those in Nr10."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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