Dr. Billingsgate Answers Letters Regarding Wampum Program

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 16 October 2020

image for Dr. Billingsgate Answers Letters Regarding Wampum Program
Elvis rocks

BILLINGSGATE POST: It is apparent that the "Blessings for Wampum Program" article has created a tempest in a tepee. Some of the letters on that and other subjects:

"BIllingsgate speak with forked tongue. Medicine Man never sell blessings for wampum. Bad medicine! Bad Medicine! Medicine Man trade for Trump squaw. Long cold winter nights. Trump squaw need red meat"....Chief Under the Table

Response: “Chief, I understand long, cold winter nights are indeed long, cold winter nights. Help is on the way. The planet is warming.”

"Lone Ranger say white man ways bad. Need more wampum to buy back Manhattan from The Donald. Medicine Man need sell many blessings".....
TONTO

Response: “A better plan: Marry rich squaw with big boobs and cut out middleman.”

"Christopher Reeve and I have both benefited from miraculous cures, and we will continue to make appearances for our fans. By the way, I will cast my vote for President Trump.......I ain't nothing but a hound dawg”
.....Elvis

Response:
“Elvis, my man, you have made a wise choice. You obviously make more than $200,000 a year and don't want to be taxed out of business. Say "Hi" to Christopher for me.”

"Billingsgate, my boy. I understand you are quite a poker player. We’re having a little game in the barracks tonight, and you’re welcome to join us. We will use my deck.”
.....Sgt. Bilko

Response: “Sgt. Bilko. Thank you for your service. But no thanks.”....Dr. Billingsgate

Slim: “I think Dr. Billingsgate is on to something with this format.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Either that or he is on something. Go figure.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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