Adam “Schift E” Schift Laid To Rest

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 27 January 2020

image for Adam “Schift E” Schift Laid To Rest
Shift E Schift Laid To Rest

BILLINGSGATE POST: With just a superficial glance at Adam “Shift E” Shift, you would instinctively know that this man would not last long in any type of physical activity more strenuous than testing the tilt angles of BarcaLoungers.

As one who once had a nine-inch neck myself, (when six years old), I can empathize with Schift E. At the time, I remember overhearing a conversation between my mum and dad that was more reflective of the times than of me. My dad was a barrel-chested endomorph who drank beer by the keg, not the bottle. Mum was a loud-mouth fishmonger whose vocabulary was quite blunt.

“Alice, I’m worried about our little Doctor. When I was his age, I had a sixteen-inch neck.”

“Look at you now. You f*cking turkey-neck geezer,” barked me mum. “You can’t even tie your own shoes, you lard ass.”

Slim: “This ain’t how Dr. Spock would have handled it. But the kid came out the better for it.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Spare the neck, and spoil the child.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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