Why Shredding the Constitution Will Save Us From the Coronavirus

Written by MSN-BS

Saturday, 4 April 2020

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The past weeks have witnessed decisive actions taken by local governments to enforce social distancing to slow the spread of the coronavirus. For example, restaurants have been forced to close, non-essential workers have lost their jobs or become furloughed, and more, so that our glorious local leaders can keep us safe from the coronavirus.

First, on social distancing. The logic that our comrades in high places have is infallible. If we shut everything down and hide in our homes, then the virus will not be able to spread. It does not matter how long we have to wait in our homes, it does not matter that the virus will spread again when we get back into the open, and it does not matter that millions will lose their jobs. Yes, a vaccine or cure could be as much as 18 months away, and it is unlikely that we will be shut down for that long, so we can only hope that the virus doesn't spread again when we reopen.

Now, comrades, I would like to praise the heroes who arrested a pastor in Florida last week for holding services. These heroes understand the importance of overturning the obstacle we call the First Amendment, and we at MSN-BS hope that they continue the trend, and declare other amendments in the Bill of Rights obsolete as well (the 2nd amendment is a good start). I would like to thank each and every one of those heroic officers who understand that people should not be allowed to decide for themselves if they can attend services in a time like this. Our glorious local leaders are the only ones who are smart enough to make these decisions.

So remember, stay safe by following the rules of our glorious comrades in local governments.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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