The Family Trump?

Written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 15 October 2019

image for The Family Trump?
"What am I doing here?"

Ivanka Trump doesn’t know how to spell Nobel as in 'Nobel Peace Prize', a prize daddy has been lusting after ever since Barack Obama received one. But maybe both daughter and daddy thought it was indeed a prize for being noble.

However, after calling Mexicans murderers and rapists, he would scarcely win either a Noble Prize or a Nobel Peace Prize. Those prizes left the station with his racist presidential announcement after coming down the escalator.

Ain’t no way he can squeeze that toothpaste back into the tube.

And, now that Trump has cut and run, abandoning the Kurds to fend for themselves against the Turks and Assad, the bone spur issue has surfaced like a nuclear submarine coming up for air. Trump could have claimed a conscientious objection to the war in Vietnam. Instead, he claimed five deferments, by getting a podiatrist, (one of his father’s renters) to write Junior had bone spurs.

Nothing noble there.

Then there's Ukraine, once known as the breadbasket of the Soviet Union, now seeking independence away from Russia and Putin, and moving toward the European Union. Remarkably, Trump’s National Security Advisor, John Bolton, told White House lawyers, “I’m not part of whatever drug deal Giuliani and Mick Mulvaney are cooking up in Ukraine.”

Sacre Bleu! Drug deals in the breadbasket?

Bolton went on to add, “Giuliani is like a hand grenade who’s going to blow everybody up.”

Mr. Bolton doesn’t mince words. No bone spurs there. Now, that's noble! Kick a little ass, why don’t you?

So Bolton resigned, and is writing a book about working in the White House for Trump. It’s doubtfully he’ll turn up on Dancing With The Stars.

It seems like Giuliani’s proposition to the newly-elected President of Ukraine Zelensky was: You want defense weapons from the US to use against invading Russian forces? Find some dirt on Joe Biden and his son. Then you get defense weapons. Quid pro quo!

Sort of identical to what the Watergate Plumbers were looking for all those years ago for Richard Nixon.

At least, Ivanka now knows there’s a bel in Nobel Prize.

Read more by this author:

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more