Where are they now? The Mystery Blonde

Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

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The Mystery Blonde Training School is having a tough time

She was once the staple of the gutter press and scandal sheets, but since the demise of The News of the World job opportunities are less frequent for The Mystery Blonde.

The so-called News of the World didn't actually have much world news in it, unless you count those stings on unsuspecting Z list celebs from undercover "journalist" Mazher Mahmood, known as the "Fake Sheikh", who served time for conspiring to pervert the course of justice. But back to the blonde...

TMB was photographed, often through a telephoto lens, on yachts in the Caribbean or Monte Carlo harbour, cavorting in a skimpy bikini, or topless with a Russian oligarch, or on the arm of a married Premier League footballer. She was occasionally caught in flagrante delicto with a now divorced Hollywood star but that didn't stop her. She was infamous for always being at the best parties, perhaps even putting in a cameo appearance in one of Frank Lampard's "home movies", flaunting her assets, attracting attention from errant males and getting into the gossip columns.

For a while she was usurped from public attention by the original Wild Child Mandy Smith who admitted to having sex with Bill Wyman when she was just fourteen, but the distraction was short lived and TMB was eventually back demonstrating her longevity and whatnot.

Was she a gold digger? Probably. Was she a good time girl? Definitely. Was she always up for it? You bet.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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