BILLINGSGATE POST: With sadness I wish to announce the retirement of long-time associate, Slim Everdingle. Slim came from a very good family. His father was the founder and president of Everdingle Bank & Trust in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska. His mother was a living saint who dedicated her life to see that Slim succeeded in life.
Upon graduating from Princeton Divinity School, where he graduated Magna Cum Laude, he turned his back on religion and went on a desperate search for his identity. After several years of utter dissipation, whoring, drinking and living on the streets, he had fallen about as far as a man could fall.
A chance encounter with Reverend Roosevelt Jefferson saved him. Whenever Rev. Jefferson would give a sermon on the evils of material life, he would have Slim seated next to the pulpit to illustrate what could happen if you chose this road.
Slim would be dressed in a Colonel Sanders white suit that would be stained and soiled from activities of the previous evening. Sweating profusely, he would rip off popcorn farts to punctuate the fire and brimstone sermon from the Reverend.
While belching and fidgeting, Slim would smirk while disdainfully giving the startled congregation the finger. Not nice in a house of worship, to be sure.
Sadly, Slim has decided to retire. Reverend Jefferson has asked me to try to find someone to take his place.
To my many readers: Search your heart. If you should decide to volunteer to join Reverend Jefferson on this noble mission, please notify Dr. Billingsgate through normal Spoof channels.