Political News for W/E 3 Dec 2011 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Saturday, 3 December 2011

image for Political News for W/E 3 Dec 2011 - with comments
Popular in Nottingham apparently

26 Nov 2011: Gang used bleach to make illicit vodka

The Independent

The mastermind of a gang who used methylated spirits and bleach to manufacture thousands of bottles of fake vodka at a remote farm to sell across Britain has been jailed for seven years.

Investigators believe that 165,000 bottles of the vodka, which was unfit for human consumption, had been made in 2009 and 2010 and sent around the country before the unit was raided.

Officials were not immediately able to say how many of those bottles were sold and whether anybody had been affected as a result. They do know that many bottles were sold.

Bootleg bottles were being sold at £6.99 solely in Nottingham and Derby and repeat orders had been placed.

Nottingham and Derby eh... repeat orders placed? That might explain a few things!

26 Nov 2011: Samantha Cameron is selling Christmas cards for over £13 each.

A set of 25 "bespoke" cards from Smythson, where the Prime Minister's wife earns a six-figure salary as creative director, will set back shoppers £330.

And for £155 you can have the envelopes specially printed.

It fuels claims the pair are completely out of touch with the millions facing a bleak Christmas.

Be fair, both millionaires are in touch with what matters to them, naturally we should not expect the nepotists to be concerned about the unemployed, sick, elderley, and poor!

27Nov 2011: 79 year old woman mugged & killed

Sunday Mirror

Police launched a murder hunt yesterday after the death of a brave 79-year-old ­widow who fought to stop muggers snatching her ­husband's ashes.

Frail Nellie Geraghty died in ­hospital from head injuries sustained in the brutal attack by a gang who ran off with her handbag.

Mum-of-four Nellie was walking to a lunch club when the robbers struck in an alleyway close to where she lived in Shaw, near Oldham, Greater Manchester.

Devoted to her husband Frank, who died 17 years ago, Nellie ­carried his ashes with her ­wherever she went in her black handbag.

She put up a ferocious struggle and held onto the bag as she was battered to the ground in broad daylight on Thursday.

Police were last night questioning two boys aged 14 and 17.

Horrendous! - and we still have more police cutbacks coming!

Thanks Cameron and Clarke, you ........'rds!

1st Dec 2011: Voting Intentions Poll

The Sun

Conservatives 36%

Labour 41%

Lib Dems 11%

Others 12%

I see the Lib-Dem's have gone up two points - can't understand that!

1 Dec 2011: Lib-Dem MP's ex-lover Katia Zatuliveter cleared of being a Russian spy

The Daily Mirror

Lib Dem MP's ex-lover who was accused of spying is "ambitious and calculating" but was not involved in espionage, a tribunal ruled yesterday.

MI5 claimed Russian Katia Zatuliveter, 26, a researcher for Defence Select Committee member Mike Hancock, Liberal Democrat MP for Portsmouth South, was passing secrets to Moscow and advised she be deported on national security grounds.

She appealed and won after arguing she was not a threat and loved the Lib Dem, 65, with whom she had a four-year affair.

Blonde Miss Zatuliveter smiled as the judge announced she can stay in the UK.

She said last night she was "surprised" to have won.

"I bet Lib-Dem support grows after this news!"

1 Dec 2011: Iran diplomats expelled from UK over embassy looting mob!

The Daily Mirror

William Hague yesterday kicked Iranian diplomats out of Britain following the attacks on our embassy in Tehran.

The Foreign Secretary ordered the immediate closure of their London HQ and gave the staff 48 hours to leave. He also refused to rule out military action against Iran as fears grew the US or Israel might launch a strike to stop them getting a nuclear weapon.

Mr Hague blasted: "If any country makes it impossible for us to operate on their soil they cannot expect to have a functioning embassy here."

He claimed the Iranian leaders were likely to have given consent to Tuesday's mob looting of Britain's embassy and workers' homes.

Mr Hague said the 200 protesters were from a student militia controlled by elements of the government.

He did not call for air strikes but admitted: "All options of course are kept on the table."

Former Labour Foreign Secretary David Miliband said the statement sounded like the "very unwelcome drumbeat of war."

Inchcock; Well that scares me!

2 Dec 2011: NHS Hospital A&E to Close at Nightime

The Star

An NHS hospital at the centre of a £10m public inquiry has shut its accident and emergency unit at night due to staff shortages. The closure coincides with the end of a 139-day public inquiry set up after a 2009 Healthcare Commission report discovered "appalling standards" of care at the hospital.

Mid Staffordshire NHS Trust, which runs the hospital, announced the temporary closure of the department last month. Patients requiring A&E treatment overnight will be dealt with by neighbouring hospitals.

Chief executive Lyn Hill-Tout said there were not enough doctors and consultants to keep it open 24 hours a day.

It said the £2,500 a week managers were distracted by targets and cost-cutting, while it accused regulators of failing to identify problems quickly enough despite warnings from staff and patients.

"Finally: The beginning of the end for the NHS?"

3 Dec 2011: Criminals from more than 159 countries are languishing in our prisons - costing taxpayers £500million a year!

The Daily Mirror

More than 80% of the world's 192 states are represented in the "United Nations of crime"

Over one in 10 of the 97,501 prisoners in England and Wales are foreign, with each costing around £45,000 a year.

Figures show 978 are Jamaican, 786 from the Republic of Ireland, 935 Polish and 591 Nigerian. Overall, they include 2,703 Africans, 2,957 Asians, and 4,807 non-British Europeans.

With only 47 foreign prisoners being deported last year, and just 57 since the last election - despite Prime Minister David Cameron claiming he would personally intervene to send back thousands of foreign prisoners.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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