All aboard the atheist train!

Funny story written by Gary Potter

Thursday, 29 September 2011

image for All aboard the atheist train!
A typical atheist

The current fad amongst the mentally lazy is that of atheism. It has been claimed by the BAPS - British Atheist Propaganda Society that it is 'cool' to be an atheist. Once the domain of the faux intellectuals, now it is the topic of hot debate on ITVs 'Loose Women'!

It is impossible to prove a universal negative, yet atheism - the belief that there is no God, makes just that wacky claim! Foolishly thought of as being scientific, when professional atheists such as Richard Dawkins (to pick a name totally at random) are asked to debate theologians of stature, they inevitably decline!

It is no coincidence that atheism is being bought to the fore at the moment as students return to university - they are easy prey for maniacal atheistic doctrines to be propagated.

It is often the vogue for students to feel peer pressured into accepting atheism at university in a desperate attempt to conform with the pseudo intellectuals. They then carry this religion on and indoctrinate their children into this bleak world-view.

Atheists by definition do not accept a creator and so are bedfellows with barmpot evolutionists.

Why not take this fun quiz and see if you have what it takes to become an atheist?

1) To be an atheist, is to have arrived at the conclusion that there is no such thing as God. Which of the following best sums up your thought process?
a) I have absolute knowledge of the universe and know that God does not exist.
b) I don't have absolute knowledge of the universe, and can't decide.
c) I have studied a/many religion/s and believe that there is a God.

2) There are billions of forms of life. Which of the following best explains the origin of life?
a) Hydrogen atoms somehow changed into other atoms and somehow 'came alive' all by themselves. I think this is scientific.
b) I've no idea.
c) A creation requires a creator. I see no reason to change the rules for the origin of life.

3) Who created the creator?
a) There is no creator, big bangs although extremely rare (ed. the last one supposedly occurred some 14 billion years ago) create universes all by themselves. Somehow.
b) You got me there
c) The creator has always existed, the universe has not. Even simple atheists realise that the universe and time as we know it will someday end, but the creator is obviously greater than his creation, and therefore the question itself demonstrates a certain lack of thought.

4) We use physical laws to try and understand the workings and origins of our universe. Where did laws such as gravity come from?
a) Somehow the big bang produced physical laws, even though these self same laws had to exist before the big bang to explain my convoluted and stupid theory of a big bang occurring in the first place. I think.
b) Asda?
c) Again, creation require a creator.

5) Although having no scientific evidence whatsoever to backup their notions, do you believe evolutionists when they claim that the simplest organism can evolve into a human being, given enough time and random mutations?
a) Yes, I'm gullible enough.
b) not really
c) Of course not. There is absolutely no empirical evidence of such a thing ever happening. The idea is completely without merit and those stupid enough to accept such an idea might be interested in buying an invisible house on the moon.

6) A close family friend is killed in a tragic knitting accident. Your 6 year old child mentions that one of her schoolfriends says that there is life after death. Do You:
a) chastise your child and assert your opinion that once you are dead you are dead, so get used to it, and that goes for her rabbit too. Leave no room for doubt. Rant that there is no 'coming back' and banish her to her room and smile to yourself as you realise that you have potentially damaged your child's worldview through your own arrogance and selfishness.
b) as with previous quiz questions, show little interest
c) admit to not being certain and mention either a specific belief or range of beliefs which have helped other intelligent people throughout history to come to terms with grief.

Now add up your score. If you scored mainly:
A's - commiseration's/congratulations, you have the mental capacity of a walnut and the arrogance to back it up. You would make an excellent atheist.
B's - You really can't be bothered with this kind of thing can you.
C's - congratulations/commiseration's, You seem to think things through and reject stupid ideas in favour of logic and empirical evidence. If you have aspirations of being an atheist, you must get rid of your analytical streak and start believing in myths such as evolution.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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