Republicans and Democrats Desperate For New Recruits.

Funny story written by rfreed

Thursday, 16 April 2009

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If this is how you view voters, then we want you!

Republican and Democrats are actively recruiting fresh meat for their parties. Both need to beef up their numbers and make sure that no one sneaks off to join third parties. But it is not a cake walk to get into their ranks. They have certain standards that must be met.

Republican grunts must be able to present a good front, pretending to have a strong interest in the common good, and then use that to smoozle favors and cash secretly towards oneself.

One has to appear to be a good Christian at least on paper, and have a clean cut image. One has to be able to keep ones family life under wraps; they don't need anymore Bristol Palins. A capacity for dealing with huge sums of money both openly and covertly is good. Must have no problem with repressing others around you to advance your position in society. An ability to manipulate social, legal and religious laws and tenets to keep control over others and to advance oneself.

It is essential that a recruit must be able to talk down, find fault with and argue into the ground any idea contradictory to one owns or any Republican idea; important when dealing with Democrats, absolutely a necessity when dealing with any third party.

Ability to appear strong and unmoving even when you are a cheap slug is essential. Must be able to pull the wool over peoples eyes and keep it there. Being able to pound a half truth into people's heads like it was the full truth is a plus.

Democrats have a different set of stipulations. First and most important is not to have any set internal resolve; one must be able to adjust to whichever way the wind is blowing.

The ability to occasionally cave in to Republican demands or to strong social pressure is essential. People with the character of marshmallows are strongly sought.

Emphasizing and relating to social groups no matter how weird or aberated they are while appearing normal yourself is needed. Having no problem with taking large amount of money from corporation and financial giants, many of whom have also given money to Republicans, is desired. Always stand up for popular social causes that appear to be underdogs no matter how strange they are- they are the ones who will do your bidding like trained seals.

One must also gracefully kowtow to those same forces and make it appear good for the common cause. Flip-flopping is not considered a bad quality as long as no one notices it.

For both parties an important quote to remember that was once uttered by some big shot in our history was "Ask not what you can pretend to do for your country, ask what you can rake in for yourself."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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