Bill Weirdie's 'Political Bird Watch'

Funny story written by matwil

Sunday, 5 April 2009

image for Bill Weirdie's 'Political Bird Watch'
Rare photo of a Semteck's Owl

Political bird watcher Sir Bill Weirdie's 'Political Bird Watch' began a new series today, co-presented with Jay Starling and Myrtle Crowe.

'And here we see the lesser-spotted Obama during its annual migration from America to France', Weirdie said.'When it's in America its plumage is predominately black, but after it arrives for its spring stay in Europe it turns light brown, almost whitish.' And from her hideout in Westminster, London, Crowe whispered: 'We've been here quite a long time to see if the pair of Brown Turkeys will emerge from their nest - wait, I think, yes, here they come!'

Brown Turkeys are fat, ugly birds with very little spine, and although they mate they only mate once, so that other birds will leave them alone and not prey on them, especially the media vultures. 'One Turkey is starting to make a gobbling noise', whispered Crowe, 'and I've observed many turkeys in this island, particularly in Scotland, but have never heard a turkey make such odd sounds.'

Meanwhile Jay Starling was in Ireland, observing the many birds of prey there. 'There's a wide range of them here', he said, 'including the red, white and blue-feathered Razorbilly, and the green and white Semteck's Owl, though it's rare to see either in the daytime, as they prefer to hunt after dark. The Semteck's is unusual, as it often nests in cars and even parcels, and wears glasses like a human - the Razorbilly attacks anything that moves, especially unarmed humans in Londonderry on Sundays.'

'Political Bird Watch' has been on television for many years now, and has caught many rare avian sights - such as when a pink Simpering Bird flew away from London, the only time a bird has been seen to shed tears, and when a rare blue Thatcher's Eagle attacked not only a whole flock of Kinnochios but also a Livingstone's Waffler, the only bird in Britain with only one wing, a left one.

But sadly the Thatcher's Eagle's nesting came to an end when an unexpected White Heselstabber attacked its back, and the eagle had to migrate to Grantham.

Next week Sir Bill will also be presenting 'Political Lizard Watch', though few are expected to watch it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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