Republicans Change Platform From 'Compassionate Conservatism' To 'Cold-Blooded Conservatism'

Funny story written by rfreed

Sunday, 12 April 2009

image for Republicans Change Platform From 'Compassionate Conservatism' To 'Cold-Blooded Conservatism'
I swear I will mop up the front stairs of the White House with liberal gurly men if elected!.

The Republicans, still smarting from their losses in the 2008 elections, have taken a new stance. Gone are the Bush I and II philosophies of 'Compassionate Conservatism'. The new motto is 'Cold-Blooded Conservatism'.

This new attitude will focus on further crushing the working and middle class with less rights and diminished wages, which they've been doing anyway, just now they won't smile and pretend they aren't anymore. Gone will be the pretense that they are concerned with the average person and instead will be forthright about their steamrolling over America both legally and financially.

Some conservatives have even more extreme viewpoints. A few Republicans want 'Carnage Conservatism', especially amongst NRA members. Arnold Schwarzenegger has spoken out for 'Clobbering Conservatism'. A few scary ones want 'Castration Conservatism' and Cauterizing Conservatism'. The idea of 'Cut-throat Conservatism' also has followers.

Detractors say it all adds up to 'Cement-head Conservatism'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more