Solid Evidence Found That Paris Hilton Is Innocent Of All Charges

Funny story written by Stanley Harris

Sunday, 20 May 2007

image for Solid Evidence Found That Paris Hilton Is Innocent Of All Charges
Conspiracy revealed.

Proof found in a secretly recorded conversation that Paris Hilton was set up by the LAPD, as reported to Stanley Harris by a reliable source - transcript below.

"Sir, I have to tell you something.

"Condoleeza, this is the president's private bathroom. Can't you see I'm doing my business?"

"But Mr. President, this is urgent. I finally discovered where all that bad intelligence came from that you used as an excuse to start the war in Iraq."

"War in Iraq?….Oh yeah, that war. Condoloozer, didn't I tell you to quit wire tapping my Dad's house?"

"But Mr. President, this is from that new group we just infiltrated. Their information is that Paris Hilton was behind everything. And that's Condoleeza, Mr. President."

"Whatever….You mean this information came from…."

"Yes, Mr. President, directly from insiders at The Boy Scouts of America. Members of the Las Angeles F Troop have been hiding in the bushes around Paris Hilton's house for months, keeping an eye on her through her bathroom windows. They get a merit badge for it. We have to take her down sir."

"Damn, Condoloweza, I suspected that floozy Paris Hilton was with Alcooter….I mean Alcotter….Hell, you know what I mean. She probably has weapons of mass destruction hidden on that little mutt she carries around."

"Condoleeza, Mr. President. You pronounce it Condoleeza."

"Whatever….We got anything else on this Mata Hory Paris Hilton?"

"Yes sir. I'm sure you heard about that porno video she put on the web. She must think Clinton is still in the White House."

"Yes Condi, I must have watched that nasty video of hers at least ten times…Ahem…Purely for research purposes, of course. Don't tell what's her name. I mean Barbara. State secrets and all. You know."

"Yes sir, the first lady is out of the loop. Who should we use to put this Paris Hilton on ice, sir. The CIA, FBI, ATF?

"No, Conda, we need an organization with balls, people who would skip Sunday services to club to death those cute little baby fur seals. A group that doesn't know what constitutional rights means."

"Sir, I assume you mean the LAPD."

"Exactly, Conder. Those guys are better liars than I am. Real sneaky bastards. My kind of people. We just have to figure out how to disable every video camera in LA for an hour or so."

"Mr. President, what was that noise. You didn't fart did you?"

"Condo, you know the president can't fart unless someone writes it down. While you're here, could you check under the presidential sink? I'm out of toilet paper."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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