HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - The Hollywood Innuendo News Agency is reporting that LAPD officers actually placed Will Smith, aka the 'Sucker Puncher' in handcuffs 12 minutes after he left the stage. Smith was backstage having his hand treated for cu…
Los Angeles police chief Charlie Beck was repeatedly interrupted by a small, unruly group of protesters at a press conference last night as he calmly justified the latest shooting of a suspect by his officers. Beck's explanation seemed to satisfy veteran crime reporters present, who have heard the chief repeatedly offer the same explanation - "officers feared for their lives" - at every other suc...
Earlier this morning Med Star filming crew set up props on O.J. Simpson's former estate. They were preparing to film the last three episodes of Forensic Files. Filming was interrupted when the Prop Master found a knife buried under the Director's...
Los Angeles, CA - Police Chief for the LAPD, Billy Clubemhard, said that they were nearly done rolling up a massive 500 mile roll of 'POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS' tape, for when Los Angeles inevitably becomes a giant cesspool of squalor so uninhabitab...
The Los Angeles School Police Department has received 61 M16 assault rifles, three grenade launchers, and a mine-resistant vehicle from the Pentagon via its 1033 program to get rid of surplus military equipment and give them to local policed departme...
On his way downtown Los Angeles to appear before a judge Justin Bieber told the police lady driving that he was taught by a "Master" and that was the source of a lot of his problems. The officer later told this reporter that Bieber was alluding to...
During the past several months Thieves have been robbing Kristen Stewart blind while she has been on the road and doing a lot of filming. She had placed call after call to the L. A. Police and no one was ever caught. In fact, she told a reporter t...
A stolen LAPD marked vehicle was recovered from an address in Laguna Hills today, LAPD officers say. Officers Pete Malloy and James Reed were on routine patrol in Laguna Hills when they spotted the marked vehicle with two boys dressed as LAPD offi...
Sgt Joe Friday, LAPD, returned to duty today along with his partner Bill Gannon and a friend from the Queensland Police Service to help crack down on mall rats. Over 100 mall rats were arrested in the week-long crackdown with several of them reman...
LAPD Communications Division workers in the Teletype department today got a shock when an unused teletype started printing 'WRU' - the code for 'Who and Where are you?' They traced the line back to Queensland, Australia, but not before the teletyp...
Former 1980s actress Natalie Gregory was found guilty in a Los Angeles Superior Court today of talentlessness. The judge, Leslie Nielsen, spoke to Natalie before sentencing, stating that 'I see no viewing appeal in any movie you are in, and why yo...
LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles Police Department is reporting that Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic patient #73013 was making plans to escape from the rehab facility. Officer W.K. Ruskinriggins with the LAPD said that he was called to the rehab...
Former 1980s child actress Natalie Gregory of 'Oliver and Company' fame has been arrested by the LAPD on three outstanding speeding citations and one count of talentlessness. The incident occured at approximately 12:45am Los Angeles time when Offi...
A LAPD car was stolen earlier today from Central Division station at approximately 9:00am Los Angeles time. Chief Kent McCord of the LAPD has described the incident as 'quite unusual' but pledges that the occupants will be captured 'using as peace...
The first of 5 000 police specification mobility scooters manufactured by the world mobility giant Pride will go on sale today. These scooters have been produced specifically for the needs of every police department that patrols any local shopping...
After a televised ending to the manhunt many questions were raised about the police tactics that were used. A spokesman for the LAPD responded to allegations that, the department had bungled opportunities to end the manhunt earlier. It became the lo...
Los Angles - LA citizens have detained 36 police officers believed to be involved in what are being termed a 'cop riot" caused by the lack of a proper beating not given to a Black man pulled over for a traffic violation. City authorities moved on...
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