HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Cheryl Cole spoke with a reporter for USA DAYBREAK from the swimming pool of her boyfriend Derek Hough's Hollywood Hills mansion, Casa Cha Cha Cha.
She remarked that she is quite upset at the recent incident that her ex-husband Ashley Cole has been involved in back in England.
Cheryl said that Ashley recently fired an air gun at the door of one of his neighbors a Mr. Abner P. Moneyfields, which scarred the retired double decker bus driver so much he spilled the glass of Seagrams Seven & Seven he was drinking at the time.
Ta Ta For Now News reported that Mr. Cole, who plays for the Chelsea Blues football team stated that he had been out drinking with some French ho he met at the Joan of Arc Pub in Soho and he ended up having a wee bit too much Stella Artois beer.
He took the Soho ho home and then drove over to a diner in Pimlico to get some cranberry crumpets. He then remembers driving past his neighbor's home and seeing a man dressed in a Buckingham Palace guards hat, faded blue jeans, and a Tottenham Hotspur Lilywhites jersey.
Ashley said that the man had a shovel in his left hand and a baseball bat in his right hand and it looked like he was trying to break into the home of his neighbor whom he refers to as old man Moneyfields.
He said that he instantly reached beneath the front seat of his Prius, took out his air rifle, and fired five times or maybe twice he does not recall because the 17 Stella Artois beer's he had at The Joan of Arc Pub were clouding his mental capacity to mentally think straight.
Ashley said that he drove a little ways to his home and went to bed.
He stated that the next day he asked his French Soho ho, identified as Thumbelina du Fondue, 24, who the heck had put the ugly looking tattoo on his stomach.
Miss du Fondue giggled as she told him that he himself had done the tattooing job using a green Uniball Vision Elite Stick Bold Point Rollerball Pen.
In other news. Ta Ta For Now News (2T/F/2N) is reporting that X-Factor Judge Dannii Minogue is so desperate to hold on to her X-Factor judge's job that she has informed Simon Cowell that she is willing to take a 70% cut in pay.