Police say high-profile singer George Michael, who was sentenced to eight weeks in prison for 'drug driving' just four weeks ago, has escaped from the maximum security unit in which he was being held, but also that they won't be bothering to do anything about recapturing the faggot.
Michael, 47, real name Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou, effected the perfect 'prison break' from Highpoint Prison in Suffolk where he had been held in the Anal Invasion Unit since his arrival in September.
According to Prison Officers, Michael had proved so annoying during his incarceration, having refused to stop singing songs from his extensive 'back-catalogue', that they had deliberately left the uphill gardener's cell door open so that he might walk out to Freedom!
Which he did.
Wearing stupid shades, Michael left Highpoint just after breakfast this morning, and headed straight for the bus stop opposite the main gate. He told anyone who would listen:
"I was treated with dignity, humanity and kindness by prison staff and fellow inmates, although I didn't get half the amount of buggerings that I'd hoped for."
Michael was met at the bus stop by US soul singer Aretha Franklin, to whom he bawled:
"I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)!"