George Michael Bummed To Within An Inch Of His Life

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 19 September 2010


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That must really have hurt, eh George?

Former pop superstar George Michael, sentenced to eight weeks in prison last week, has been the victim of a relentless and sustained sexual attack during which his ringpiece was ripped and his sphincter muscle contorted.

Mr Michael, real name Georgios Michaelopolous, was being kept under 'close guard', but a large group of fellow inmates were still able to confront the ex-singer in the showers where they overpowered him, and remorselessly penis-pummelled his cackpipe, bumming him to within an inch of his life.

Michael was taken to the prison's hospital wing, where medical staff fainted when they saw the extent of the damage. One who didn't faint was able to tell me:

"It's a mess down there. George probably thought he was going to enjoy some kind of celebrity status in here, but it hasn't quite worked out like that for the poor chappy."

He went on:

"His rectum has been wrecked. Shitting will be much easier for him in the future, that's all I can say!"

Prison staff say they will investigate the incident "when they have a few minutes spare".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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