George Michael is a "Father Figure" inside

Written by IainB

Monday, 20 September 2010


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In a rather remarkable turn of events, news is leaking out of Highpoint Prison like a careless whisper, that George Michael has become something of a father figure to the inmates.

Originally sharing a cell with a killer in Pentonville, the same cell as Boy George and Oscar Wilde, now affectionately known as Sodomy Corner, the harsh prison life with the bad boys was too much for Michael. A deal was struck to move him to a different corner in the softer category C prison, Highpoint. His initial attempt to move was rejected, but he had one more try, and was successful, though he had to give up his bail attempt. On hearing the news, he and his cell mate were seen kissing. A foolish thing to do, in many people's eyes.

It is at Highpoint where Mr Michael, as he is known, has taken the other inmates to the edge of heaven.

"Every night Mr Michael performs a rendition of his greatest hits," said recently released inmate, Arthur Forger, who was in for embezzlement. "His final piece is to belt out a flawless I Want Your Sex like he really means it."

Compared to Pentonville, Highpont is like Club Tropicana, and he can heal the pain from his previous incarceration. George is now said to be waiting for that day he can return to freedom of the outside, as he praying for time to speed up.

"In Pentonville they were cowboys, and angels in Highpoint," said Michael's former manager, Michael George. "At Highpoint, he is among fellow star people."

"It's the strangest thing," said Forger. "He is amazing round here, though it is an easier affair than Pentonville. After he's done his monkey, he can take his too funky fast love with him."

George Michael was sentenced after spinning the wheel of his land rover into a Happy Snaps last Christmas, but he has admitted that his time inside is making him older and wiser.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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