American Idol Hires Ann Coulter To Be Ryan Seacrest's Co-Host

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

image for American Idol Hires Ann Coulter To Be Ryan Seacrest's Co-Host
This is a recent photo of Nancy Pelosi's horse Coulter Biscuit.

HOLLYWOOD - In an effort to gain back some of the millions of viewers that American Idol has lost in just this past season alone, the show's executives have decided to add a co-host to the show.

American Idol Producer Simon Shindlebocker, who came very close to himself being fired, like the two little white female judges Kara "The Raging Hormones" DioGuardi and Ellen "Butchy" DeGeneres, said that he has decided that the show definitely needs a co-host to boost up the viewership.

He said that he talked it over with host Ryan Seacrest, whom he said did not like the idea one mother effen, friggin, freakin bit (Ryan's exact words).

Shindlebocker patiently listened to Seacrest and afterwards informed him that if he did not like his idea then he could resign or else he would be fired like the two female bitches (Shindlebocker's exact words).

Seacrest looked at Shindlebocker and asked, "Okay Mr. Shindlebocker, sir, will my brand new co-host be a male or a female?"

Shindlebocker said that he and the show's director, Simon Witleywine, had been discussing the matter and they had narrowed their choice down to three names. The first was Perez Hilton, the noted gay blogger.

But both agreed that with his fairy boy lisp, he would be somewhat hard to understand, especially to AI viewers living in Arkansas, Arizona, and Alaska.

The second choice was Joan Rivers, who has the fastest, vilest, most vulgar mouth east of the Pacific Ocean. They decided that it may not be such a good idea to hire Rivers since she is after all 103, and she is liable to pee all over the stage at any given moment.

And their third choice, and the one they picked is the GOP wandering mouthpiece Ann Coulter. Witleywine said that he felt that Coulter, who is known as "Trigger Face" because of her unmistakable horse looks should be a perfect fit to the short little jockey looking Seacrest.

Shindlebocker quickly agreed saying that they need to inject a bit of controversial co-hosting to the show in order to get people to continue to watch and who better than the woman who has become known as "The Queen Bitch of The Political Bitches."

Ryan reportedly said that he was afraid that the very outspoken, arrogant, sarcastic, and downright bitchy Coulter would end up upstaging him.

Shindlebocker leaned forward in his seat, winked at Ryan, and said, "Seaboy, like my good old friend President Obama says, 'tough titty said the kitty.'"

SIDENOTE: When Ann Coulter was told that they wanted her to join the American Idol team, she grinned from ear-to-ear and said that she can hardly wait to get a hold of those little whining Democratic singer wannabees and release the full fury of her sexually frustrated wrath on the little heathens. Coulter has said that she is not going to sugarcoat nothing, unlike those sissified girls DioGuardi and DeGeneres did.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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