Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan Launches Ankle Bracelet Jewelry Line
The heavy black pouch is part of the anklet, but it's the Lohan style.

Spinning the court's ankle locator news as best they could, Lindsay Lohan and her publicist quickly announced her new line of ankle bracelet jewelry that also doubles as a GPS tracker and BFF message device.

Styled strangely similar in size and shape to the court appointed variety, the Lohan ankle bracelet is bedazzled with a variety of colored gemstones, gold trim and pink ribbon to help turn a bail jumper into a fashion queen. "Form and function meets an outlandish version of Bobby Trendy", says Lohan Publicist, Army Lipsmoving. "This way EVERYBODY can be as cool as Lindsay, and the GPS tracking and messaging system allows her new friends, which includes anyone who purchases the anklet, to stay in touch while out on the town!"

Rushing through production of the Shopping Network commercial that hawks the new jewelry, Ms. Lohan can be seen dancing in a club, stepping out of a limo, and shopping the streets of Rodeo Drive, strutting the bulky anklet as if it were a badge of honor. The campaign slogan simple reads, "Be Like Lindsay, Be Her BFF".

Lipsmoving denied that proceeds would go for her upcoming court or legal fees, but admitted that she needed the income. "You can only milk those Herbie the Love Bug residuals so far", said Lipsmoving.

The Lohan BFF Anklet retails for $139.99 and includes an immediate link up to Lindsay's anklet and GPS location. Sales in the first 24 hours however, have been soft, much like Lohan's brain.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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