A very angry Lady Gaga last night insisted that she was not in love with Manchester United midfield dynamo Paul Scholes. She told reporters that she didn't even know who the heck Paul Scholes is, let alone that she's fallen head over heels in love with him.
The row erupted after a scurrilous and totally untrue article appeared on the liesliesandporkypies.not website which stated that Gaga wanted Scholes to father her children. The article also alleged that Gaga had described veteran Manchester United midfielder Ryan Giggs as 'a bit of a hunk.'
Gaga's people are eager to convey that she conducted no such interview as reported. They did concede that Gaga had heard of Manchester United, but asserted that she didn't know the names of any of the players (like many United 'fans') and knew little, if anything about professional football. (Like many United 'fans')
When our reporter confronted Paul Scholes for a comment, the Manchester United midfield player smirked, shook his head, wagged a finger, and then brought our man down with a clattering two-footed tackle.
Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney were too busy pissing their pants with laughter at the sight of this, and Gary Neville had to be helped to his car by an hysterical Rio Ferdinand.
Darren Fletcher later denied threatening to punch a bystander in the face.
Sir Alex Ferguson was understandably incensed by events and has demanded a full public apology from Gaga, threatening to kick a football boot at her eyebrow if she doesn't.
Cheryl Cole is still only 5'3"
More as we get it.