Thyme Magazine this week named Twilight sweethearts Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, along with pop/fashion icon Lady Gaga, among the World's Most Influential People.
Which is comforting to know.
Global celebrations erupted as campaigners for truth and justice, groundbreaking politicians, troops in frontline trenches, pioneering surgeons, scientists, historians, writers, artists, archaelogists, the disabled, and the millions of people who sacrifice their whole lives in search of some elusive greater good, stopped what they were doing in order to praise Robert, Kristen, and Gaga.
Even Taliban and Al Qaeda fighters shelved their weapons and huddled together in small groups in Tora Bora to discuss the merits of the Twilighters and Gaga as they sipped tea around campfires and argued long into the freezing cold night.
The news was greeted by cheering crowds in terror-stricken Moscow, celebrations in the Gaza Strip and a mass rally in Beijing's Tiananmen Square.
In the UK, as a General Election looms on the near horizon and strikes threaten to bring the nation to a grinding halt, crowds flooded into the streets, grateful for the revelation that all a person has to do to set the world to rights is either make a poxy movie about a vampire/werewolf teen love triangle, or wear a telephone shaped hat and plonk away at a fucking ridiculously oversized piano whilst caterwauling crap into unfeasibly receptive earholes.
More as we get it.
