Robert Pattinson Shares a "Slapping of the Ham" Anecdote

Funny story written by A lil Birdie

Saturday, 3 April 2010

image for Robert Pattinson Shares a "Slapping of the Ham" Anecdote

Hollywood Heartthrob, Robert Pattinson, opened up recently about a very intimate experience he had with HIMSELF!

After achieving world-wide fame, Pattinson has had a hard time coming to grips with his new found popularity and -let's not forget- the constant screaming female fans.

Pattinson admits that although he's grateful that woman adore him around the world, he doesn't find himself 'sexy.'

In a recent interview, Pattinson confessed that in order to psychologically and emotionally understand his fans, he tried a very off the cusp way to get inside the minds of his adoring public.

"It's strange really. I tried the most ridiculous exercise in effort to understand what woman can possible find sexy about me. So there I was standing in front of a mirror wanking myself. And, all the while, all I kept thinking was, I pray no one walks in the door and sees me draining the vein to my own reflection!"

Pattinson later revealed that the experience was more than just fun and tugs. He bravely admitted, that by the end of his 'workout' he had a spiritual awakening, and was brought to tears precisely timed with his climax.

"I don't know. I don't know how to explain it, really. It's like I had this out of body experience. When I stared in the mirror, I, somehow, was able to separate myself and imagine I was actually a woman. After that, I was able to, for the first time ever, find myself attractive!"

True to form, Pattinson maintains his humbleness when he stated that he is grateful for the experience and feels he can now truly understand all the hype that surrounds him. When asked about the 'shedding of the tears,' Pattinson simply said, "Good thing the tissue box was full."

Oh, Rob, you're always good for a laugh!

Good Job, man they call R-Pattz! We are all pulling for you over here! (Uh... no pun intended.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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