Soccer star David Beckham is to take time out from trying for another baby with Posh Spice, in order to join forces with leading cast members of the Twilight movie franchise in a new film about a gay footballer's girlfriend who becomes a dead-ball specialist coached by baseball playing vampires and is recruited by the England World Cup Squad, scoring the winning goal in stoppage time in the World Cup Final in South Africa.
Which sounds pretty convoluted, but is in fact true. Ish.
And that's not all. Rocky and Rambo star Sylvester Stallone will reprise his role from the movie Escape To Victory, as a goalkeeper disillusioned by Barack Obama's Presidency who renounces his US citizenship in order to play for England in the World Cup Final.
Script leaks tell us that in the new movie, England will be trailing the USA on 90 minutes, but that Kristen Stewart's character will score three goals in time added on to bring the World Cup home to England.
David Beckham will portray a mysterious phantom like figure who offers Stewart's character tips and advice on soccer skills, including the legendary Ricky Martin 'over the wall and round behind the keeper' dead ball shot.
Hence the 'Bend It Like Ricky Martin' movie title.
Several global megastars have been approached with a view to playing cameo roles, including Diego Maradona, who will play Carlos Tevez, Alan Hansen, who will play Frank Lampard, Ricky Hatton who will play Wayne Rooney, Vinnie Jones who will play John Terry, and Cheryl Cole, who will make her big screen debut playing Vanessa Perroncel.
More on this exciting new project as we get it.