Robert Pattinson to join Druids at Stonehenge annual Spring Equinox rite

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 18 March 2010

image for Robert Pattinson to join Druids at Stonehenge annual Spring Equinox rite
Sun rising over the ancient pagan site ahead of Saturday's historic induction

London - (Rite of Spring): Remember Me and Twilight star Robert Pattinson is to be initiated into the Ancient British Order of Bards and Druids at the annual Vernal Equinox ritual at Stonehenge on Saturday.

The day marks the solar ingress into the sign of Aries and is commemorated traditionally by regeneration ceremonies and ritual naked ablutions on Salisbury Plain's sacred pagan site.

Pattinson is to be made an honorary acolyte during a full-on metempsychotic rite inside the sarsen stone circle around 17.32GMT when the sun begins its astrological new year.

An ex-Ministry of Defence signal jammer is being installed on the ancient Wiltshire site amid reports that cameras and video recorders will be banned within a five mile radius of Salisbury Plain.

Fears that the ceremony's ritual nudity could be filmed and exploited for unscrupulous commercial gain have made Pattinson's advisers extremely cautious to committ to the induction rite.

But in the end the prospect of 100 semi-clad Vernal handmaidens administering to the initiate's every ritual need probably swung Pattinson's decision into a 'yes'.

Bards and Druids mistress of ceremonies is rumored to be Peaches Geldof or Susan Boyle.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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