Stonehenge, UK - (Spotty Ass Mess): Confusion reigns ahead of Friday’s Stonehenge Summer Solstice commemorations following a suspected outbreak of neolithic genital herpes among local Druid folk. The annual parade is traditionally marked by the d...
Tooting, London - Authorities have renewed a banning order on oral sex in pubic places at this Sunday's annual summer solstice orgy. Festivities planned by Ye Ancient Order Of Bards And Hos were due to take place at Tooting Bec Lido, a swimming p...
Hamish Leonardo Kraftwerker Magee, Chief Druid of Dumfries, (previously known as Third Baron Trevelyan Montague of High Wycombe), has narrowly escaped being sent to Guantanamo bay on the grounds of being a jihadist militant. In in his inimitable...
"Last time I told those people the truth about the Druids and their trees but I wanted to warn them about a few other thangs! Robertson as usual started slow and then got all wound up and somewhat louder as he recorded his message. He then shut...
Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty has just been rehired and many are celebrating the fact. But a new sermon by the Preacher may begin another controversy but not so bad as the last one. "He is going to come down strong on having Christmas trees all d...
In the prestigious new Ruff Guide to the world, Wales has been given a FFFF rating for cheerfulness, down from FFFE three years ago. The home of depressing poetry, Eisteddfod parties and almost constant rain, Wales has slipped to below France, thi...
London - Hordes of New Age hippies and neo-Pagan nutz are to be kettled through a pesticide trench before being allowed up Primrose Hill for Saturday's Autumn Equinox parade. The elf 'n' safety directive comes as a ten year study by the Royal Frea...
Isle of Dogs, London - The erection of a 50 foot blow-up Stonehenge replica at Barking Park is causing ructions among indigenous Druids. They fear whordes of stoned New Age nuts amassing at the inflatable monument are f++king up the natural cosmic...
London - Mayhem surrounds Druids' planned solstice festivities at the London lido made famous by Brad Pitt's boxing scene in the movie Snatch. Refusal to use compulsory non-pagan issue rubbers from the onsite vending machines is causing schism am...
London - Successive solar and lunar eclipses have failed to cleanse North London's premier pagan hot spot of decades of luvvies' toxic crap. This Tuesday karmic pest control in the guise of the Druids' annual Vernal Equinox parade up the iconic R...
Berlin - It's all because some sort of German stinktank was one of the human frights groups whose HQ got torched last week. Locals in Baddassburg described today how the Cairo branch of Druids Anonymous had claimed responsibility following a bad a...
East Anglia - Is there really a satellite homing device implanted into the academic behind the University of East Anglia's global warming scam? NASA sources hinted today that the spent Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite's imminent crash landing m...
King Arthur, not of the round table but of Pendragon, a former soldier and now self-named king of the loonies called Druids (who frequent Stonehenge at full moon or eclipses), has demanded that his ancient bones be returned immediately. King Arthu...
London - Locals had long suspected its existence, of course, following decades of spurious equinoctial and solstice Druid activity next door at Primrose Hill. This morning's discovery of a huge subterranean gambling complex came as more than a mon...
London - Drunken Druids have trashed a UNESCO-protected tube-web spider colony in North London's Parliament Hill tonight. Annual Summer Solstice revelry descended into farce around a quarter past six, Hampstead time, just as the sun began its annu...
Druidry is to become the first pagan practice to be given official recognition as a religion. The Charity Commission has accepted that druids' worship of spirits arising from the natural world could be seen as a religious activity. Many Jedi mast...
Since records began in 1978, Druids have congregated at the Camp Hill standing stones to celebrate the Half-Solstice. This archaic and mystic rite attracts druids from as far away as Ryde to perform their esoteric rituals as the sun rises over Camp H...
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