MOSCOW, Idaho - Two hip hop and rap artists whose careers are heading downhill faster than Kirstie Alley chasing down a dog who has just stolen her box of Twinkies appeared at a non-sold out concert in Moscow's Cow Pasture Arena.
After their concert, at which tickets were priced at $1, $2, and $4, the two individuals were interviewed backstage. At times it was hard to hear West and Brown's replies to the questions due to the incessant mooing of the herd of cows which was grazing just outside the dressing room window.
Kanye was asked if he ever hears from Taylor Swift. He replied that she calls him every time she wins another award and asks him if he saw her on TV.
Chris was asked if he ever hears from Rihanna. He looked down at the floor and said that he has not and that he does not want that ugly-looking liar to call him, text him, email him, or even try to touch his 'bippy doo.'
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called Abel and I told him that I was just guessing, but that I thought that 'bippy doo' must be a Swahili word for penis. Abel laughed and replied that, that works for him..]
West and Brown were both asked what they thought about the Tiger Woods 'Golf Gate' incident.
Both smiled and said that the only reason that Tiger had so many white women was because he is worth over $800 million. Chris said that there is no way that all of those fine-looking white women were attracted to Woods because of his looks. He then added that the man looks like a Snickers Candy Bar with eyes.
Kanye laughed and said that in regards to his groin dangler he knows for a fact from having talked to two of Tiger's skank ho's that TigerBoy only 'outdicks' Jon Gosselin by one inch; so that means that Eldrick Tont (Tiger) is the possessor of a 4-inch 'tuna town tickler.'
Chris and Kanye were asked what advice they would give to Tiger. They both said that his apology, or rather his 'non-apology' stunk up the place real bad. They went on to say that they would advice him to just simply admit that he 'poked' all them dozen or so white women because pure and simple they asked him to.
Kanye took a sip from his bottle of Ripple Wine and remarked that he and Chris both agree that America better give Tiger a second chance.
West went on to say, "Da boy knows he done wrong, but he had help from dem white cracker chicks ta help him ta did what he did ta do. Which again it be wrong dat he be doin' what he done did in da first place ah huh, ya know what I be sayin' do dah do dah someone please pass me da collared greens."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Not one word has been edited, omitted, deleted, or changed from Kanye's last rant. I have found that if I read Kanye's words slowly, very slowly, that I can, most of the time, understand them somewhat.