CHICAGO - A new report regarding Tiger Woods has just revealed that the golf legend - bedroom semi-legend did not check himself into a Mississippi rehab clinic for sexual addiction, as was widely believed, but instead he was there to cure his addiction to placebos.
When Woods lawyer Alvin McFlannel was asked about the placebo story he declined to comment. He later said that Mr. Eldrick T. Woods has lots of problems, just like 99 percent of all Americans do, but he is working on correcting them in a timely manner before he loses any more of his damn advertisement sponsors.
McFlannel noted that Tiger has already conquered his fear of sand traps. He is presently working on eliminating his fear of having to watch Maria Shriver, aka Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger on all of those 'Come To California' commercials.
Woods manager Upton Courtquist stated that he is tired of having to answer questions about Mr. Woods every ten minutes. He has started providing all members of the media, including Fox News a daily update and things of interest regarding Mr. Woods.
Courtquist said that the latest Tiger update states that if his wife, Elin "Sitting In The Driver's Seat" Nordigren agrees not to divorce him and stay by his side he will buy her the biggest house in all of Sweden.
In other news. Sharon Stone has just announced that she has signed to star in "Basic Instinct 6 - Talk About A Big Red Snapper." Stone recently revealed to Oprah Winfrey that unlike other old actresses who do nude scenes, she (SS) does not use a stunt double for shots of her 'love harbor' (pink palace).
