HOLLYWOOD - The Final 12 female American Idol singers performed with The American Idol band and The American Idol backup singers but as Simon Cowell said The New York Philharmonic Orchestra, Celine Dion, and Barbra Streisand could not have helped them.
Cowell, known as "The Prince of Put-Downs" described the 12 performances with words such as horrible, terrible, lousy, theme parkish, and cruise shipesque. He then said that each one was nothing more than a karaoke kid, and a karaoke kid wannabe at that.
Randy Jackson, alias "The Black Dawg" used words such as pitchy fashizzle, clumsy my nizzle, and yucksville mofo fizzle.
Kara was more down to Earth using words like shaky, dreary, and sung with a frickin half-ass attitude.
Ellen, the newest judge was perhaps a bit kinder as she described the 12 girls as pretty, sexy, luscious, bosomy, and doable.
Ryan Seacrest, for once really earned his salary as he spent most of the evening trying to console the girls by saying things like "Oh don't cry the judges were just kidding," "It's okay, your mom and dad still think you're the greatest singer since Mariah Carey," and "Dammit, watch the tears, you're getting the little mofo's all over my $85 shirt and $27 tie."
So one thing for sure, this year's crop of 'girl' singers doesn't have anyone who is going to even come anywhere close to having the success that past American Idol female singers such as Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, or Carrie Underwood have had.
SIDENOTE: After the performance Simon Cowell was seen back stage shaking his head as he told the assembled media that it's a good thing that these one dozen girls aren't eggs, because if they were the carton would be stamped with the words 'Refused - Send Back To The Chicken Farm Quick.'
Simon Cowell then added that he hopes that the 12 blokes (guys) do better. He paused and then added, "Hey if they don't I'm moving up my quitting date to Feb. 25.
