LONDON - John Terry, England captain is quickly becoming the most hated man in the entire United Kingdom.
The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror recently ran a survey to find out who the most hated man in Great Britain actually is. John Terry came out third behind Paul Revere who is number two, and Adolf Hitler who is still the most hated man in England.
The 29-year-old footballer makes £170,000 [$271,000 U.S.] a week. Plus the blimey bloke, as a lot of English football fans and even non-football fans are calling Mr. Terry, also makes close to £6 million [$9.5 million U.S.] in various endorsements including Nike Shoes, Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear, Camilla Parker-Bowles Brand Microwavable Crumpets, Spanish Armada Cerveza, and Big Ben Brand Condoms.
The BBC is reporting that England manager Fabio Capello, who is extremely devoted and tremendously dedicated to strict moral values has said that just because John Terry is a very good player does not mean that he can just run around boofing, bonking, and boinking every full-figured French lingerie model who happens to cross the English Channel.
Capello then said, "ey, you-a getta you winky-wanky and you-a puts it inna da knick knack of a dollybird who justa happens ta be da girlfriend of one offa your teammates you-a liable to getta Senor winky wanky in a casty poo."
The French woman named Vanessa Perroncel just happens to be a good friend of John's wife Toni, as well as being the girlfriend of John's fellow teammate Wayne Bridge.
Perroncell also appears to weigh about 1.8 times as much as John's good looking blonde wife Toni Poole.
Meanwhile the United Kingdom Commission of Sports Enthusiasts has demanded that John Terry immediately return his "Dad of the Year" award plague that he received in 2008.
Langston Entwhistle spokesperson for the UKCSE said that they will take the award and present it to Russell Brand. They know full well that Brand does not have any kids, but if he did they know that he would not disrespect them in the manner that Terry has disrespected his twins.
Fabio Capello was asked by a reporter for the BBC if he is entertaining thoughts of perhaps trading John Terry's cheating arse. Capello grinned and said that just since Sunday he has received over 900,000 emails asking that he trade Mr. Terry.
Capello said that he has been in contact with Enrico Panadero of Team Brazil about possibly trading him to Brazil in exchange for five players, a 200 acre Amazon Ranch, and four tons of Brazil nuts.
In other news. The Mount Rushmore Security Agency is investigating the overnight robbery of Theodore Roosevelt's mustache.
