Crystal Defanti De-Flowers Carrie Prejean in CA Boutique

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Wednesday, 15 July 2009


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SACRAMENTO, CA - Things took an unexpected turn for the better today at Sugar's Shack boutique in Sacramento, California when ousted Miss California Carrie Prejean and reigning Isabelle Jackson Elementary school Porn Queen Crystal Defanti apparently helped each other work out some of their frustrations, said witnesses.

In town to tie up some loose ends with the California pageant commission, Prejean was feeling a little bummed after the experience and decided to do some shopping, said a friend; she arrived at Sugar's Shack at approximately 4:15 pm.

Having not had sex in well over an hour, Defanti came to the conclusion that a slinky new outfit for school might cheer her up, so she also headed for Sugar's Shack, according to eyewitnesses; she arrived at 4:17 pm.

"I'm not sure exactly how it started," said a woman who was lucky enough to catch the action just as it was beginning, "but they were on opposite sides of one of those circular racks of clothes when I first noticed them, staring at each other, slowly going around in circles."

"I know you," breathed Defanti huskily.

"I... I know you, too," replied Prejean, still circling, her voice barely quivering at all. "You're naughty."

"You're naughty, too," was the reply.

Witnesses said that was when Prejean stopped circling, inexplicably silenced, shaking her head indicating that no, she was not a naughty girl.

Still walking, Defanti moved closer, adding, "Oh, but I think you are. You're a sinfully delicious, naughty girl, and I can't wait to get my hands all over you."

Accounts indicate Defanti then looked Prejean in the eye as she took one last step, placing her right foot directly between Prejean's, then sliding up to the former beauty queen as she arched her back, letting the front of her thigh brush lightly against the Pacific pageant princess' perfect p*ssy, eliciting a startled gasp.

At this point, witnesses say Prejean let her jaw drop, then leaned forward, plunging her tongue into Defanti's waiting mouth. Moaning and sucking, they maneuvered clumsily into a dressing room even as they began unbuttoning their blouses, smacking and licking one another's faces as they panted breathlessly, closing the door behind them.

"I just about went in there myself when I heard Carrie having multiple orgasms," said the store's owner, recalling the incident later. "Wow!! She must have been holding on to that for a long time!"

After about twenty minutes, things quieted down and Defanti stepped out of the dressing room, adjusting her thong one last time before walking out of the boutique with a spring in her step, obviously feeling refreshed though not having made a single purchase.

Approximately five minutes later, witnesses indicate Prejean had another go at herself for about half an hour before exiting the stall, disheveled and obviously quite disoriented. Looking around the store for a moment, she sheepishly returned to the dressing room, then worked herself to several more feverish climaxes before collapsing, completely exhausted.

Those wishing to see video footage of these events should be able to do so tomorrow on EweTube; several 12-14 year-old boys who began tailing Defanti nonstop several days ago captured the action on their camera phones from the two adjacent stalls.

They were also kind enough to help Miss Prejean to her car.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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