Written by Wire Piddle

Friday, 3 July 2009

image for Michael Jackson's Former Doc Once Pulled A 'Mr. Bean'

New York, NY - It has been discovered that Michael Jackson's previous tour doctor, Dr. Neil Ratner, once accidently injected himself with morphine and dropped to the floor paralyzed, all whilst in the middle of performing a medical procedure on a patient.

Said Dr. Ratner, "...yes, it all was a bit embarrassing really. The patient had to run out in her undies and alert the receptionist to call an ambulance. I could barely twitch my nose you know."

Dr. Ratner was with the Jackson HIStory tour during the '90's, having also worked as a drummer and ex-manager of both Edgar Winter and Peter Frampton.

Said Dr. Ratner, "...yes, it all was a bit embarrassing really. I couldn't play drums if my life depended on it and, well, as far as Frampton is concerned, if you wonder why he isn't swimming in the millions he earned from his once flourishing career, well, you have to look no further than me."

Dr. Ratner also testified in an insurance fraud case in New York that he had falsified insurance forms, had dodged the draft, and took drugs while caring for patients in the 1980's.

Said Dr. Ratner, "...yes, it all was a bit embarrassing really. But sometimes you have to get on the patient's level in order to be able to treat them. It sounds quite unorthodox....until you meet the patients I was dealing with...ha..ha..ha..ha."

Dr. Ratner is currently retired, living in the Northeast of America and is in no way implicated in the controversy surrounding the death of Michael Jackson.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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