How To Lose An Election, But Not In The USA

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 2 November 2024

image for How To Lose An Election, But Not In The USA
"Shame!"

First off, if an individual is serious about losing an election, let’s say the election for President of the United States, the first thing they should do, is to defend and praise Adolf Hitler. “So what about the other stuff? He did some things right.”

That should be all that it takes to lose an election. However, some people may still require more convincing.

The next step is to condemn Abraham Lincoln. Label him a warmonger, causing the death of 750,000. He could have agreed with the South and kept slavery. He could have made a public announcement asking, “So what’s wrong with slavery? Slaves have a roof over their heads.”    

Third, promise to get rid of every foreigner, citizen or not, living off of and exploiting the American economy, bringing with them diseases, pushing drugs, raping and murdering our daughters, wives, and mothers. While on the subject of foreigners, have a partner (who requires subtitles while speaking) give a speech supporting America for Americans. 

Lastly, there's the women issue. Let’s make women homemakers again. Who do women think they are anyway? Men? No more corporate ladder for the little lady. No more careers out of the house. Men already give women everything they need to keep house. God gave women a body with eggs. After all, women have a roof over their heads.

And don't forget to call soldiers who died defending the United States "suckers and looser."

Amen. Election over. The other side wins.

Not in the USA.

 

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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