The Kentucky Legislature, with a supermajority of Republicans, is proposing a law that every citizen’s birth date, from (the Bill in part reads) “the year of our Lord 2024, shall be set at the moment of conception.”
Opponents to the Republican Bill, called Senate Bill 69, asked how anyone (other than God) could determine the moment of conception, so the Bill’s sponsor, State Senator Rev. Simian J. Crumble, amended the Bill to read, “shall be set at the moment the mother discovers she is pregnant,” at which time, the Bill continues, the mother “shall be required to take a picture of the pregnancy test results and send them to the Frankfort Office of OT Fertility (at www.spreadforGod.gov); or—if said conception is discovered at a medical professional's office--the medical professional shall be required to register the pregnancy at the above website.”
As a rider to Senate Bill 69, Senator Jacob T. Hicks is proposing that “all preborns, upon becoming postborns, shall be assigned a gender which will be then require the postborn to wear a pink or blue onesie, the latter if the infant has been gifted, by God, with a penis.” The onesie, Senator Hicks vehemently declared, will not be available “in those damn rainbow colors!”
Senate Bill 69 is expected to pass because this is, after all, Kentucky.
